Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
