hotel room ftw
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize