Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
