this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
