To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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