I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
