Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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