The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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