You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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