yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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