I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
