When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
