Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
