i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
