Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
