I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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