From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
