you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize