im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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