Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
