my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I smell like Dick and happiness
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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