She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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