he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
