i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sarcasm needs its own font
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
