one might say we're banned from that church
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize