nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
please don't ironically join a cult
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