Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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