I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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