thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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