why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
