I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
