Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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