Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
