i love accidental penises.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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