Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
