He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize