Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
