You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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