Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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