oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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