OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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