I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
