Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
