found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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