So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
