smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
