i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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