guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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