i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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