Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
