Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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