You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
