i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
