We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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