I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
