with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
