If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
