I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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