1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
