How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
