Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
