i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
