do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
