Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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