where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
