I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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