I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
