I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
