if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
