Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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