she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
