it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize