Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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