if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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