When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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